Thursday, April 19, 2012

Complaint to HR

Dear Director of Human Resources:

I want to start by thanking you for the amazing opportunity that has been afforded to me to care for my twin babies and watch them grow these last months. It has been an incredible experience and every single day has been a wonderful adventure. Having said that, there are a few items I would like to bring to your attention that I think do not represent the professional work-environment I have been accustomed to in previous positions.

To start, I have serious reservations about the communication style of my new co-workers. It can be very difficult understanding their needs when working with them to accomplish mutual objectives. I find that when they need something, be it an afternoon bottle or have made a poo, they always seem to fall back on screaming at the top of their lungs. I consider myself a reasonable person and have worked well with many different types of personalities, but I seem to be having trouble understanding why the decibel level in the work space must always be so high.

I’m going to look past the hygiene issues which include but are not limited to: drooling, near constant farting, touching me constantly with slimy hands and seeming to want to put everything and anything in their mouths. That with-standing, an issue I cannot fail to mention is the working hours that are expected of me. It seems that these two are some sort of “work-a-holics” and willing to stay up all hours of the day and night to have their needs met. In the past nine months and three weeks neither my wife nor I have gotten even two consecutive nights of decent rest.

I would appreciate your immediate attention to these matters and look forward to your speedy response.


Paul Kaplan

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